Finding My Sparkle Day 117: Thursday 28th June 2018
It’s mid-afternoon, my body is knackered, my hair is a state, my legs are so sore I want to rip the skin off them and I’m sitting in a garden that doesn’t belong to me on a scorching hot day when I should be in the park.
Wait. Let me rephrase that.
It’s a beautiful afternoon in Bonnie Scotland, there’s barely a cloud in the sky and I’m sitting listening to the birds singing. How lucky am I to be able to appreciate this moment?
You see the stories we tell ourselves are so powerful. When you live with a brain injury there’s a whole lot of days where you just can’t do the things that you want to. The intention is there but the brain says no.
Life is a bitch sometimes. But you don’t have to view it that way.
I’m recovering with a brain injury, post-concussion syndrome, after a silly sledging accident on a fun family afternoon out a few months ago flipped my life upside down.
Learning to accept when your post-concussion syndrome brain says no
I’ve worked hard to get to a place of acceptance and I’m not going to pretend it’s been easy. It’s still something that I have to work on but I truly believe you can find peace.
That first paragraph I wrote? All those things are true but I can’t allow those feelings to overshadow my day. Today is not a day for walking to the park. I know if I do that it will make my symptoms worse so I’ve found another way to enjoy the day instead. It was a morning doing passive things like watching Love Island. Nothing that requires much brain power.
And now I’m sitting on a tartan picnic blanket (a competition win, yay) in my downstairs’ neighbour’s garden because no one is living there. It’s taken me all this time to realise that I could sit here right outside my flat on the days I’m not able to walk any further. Logic is not my strong point these days! And the space is open anyway. No one would know that it’s not my patch of grass to sit on!
This journey that we’re on. No doctor can tell us how long we’ll be recovering. Weeks, months, years for some. So would you rather wallow in self-pity or will you choose to embrace it and take each moment as it comes?
I’ve done enough of the woe is me, thank you very much!
So now I’m going to drink a shit ton of water (look it up, it’s an actual measurement), slather myself in sun cream and do some meditating. It beats doing it in the flat.
My message to my warriors
My challenge to you is to change your mindset. All those days where you have to change your plans, stop seeing all the can’t and look at what you can do instead. Netflix, colouring books, meditation, sleep. Sleep is always a given!
Think about the stories you’re telling yourself. Listen to your brain, embrace these days as a way to chill out and give your brain a break and know that good days will come again soon.
Have you learned to accept your journey? What do you do in the days when your brain says no? Jump into the comments and let me know!
I know how incredibly scary life can be when you’re living with PCS but I don’t want you to feel alone. I’ve got your back and if you need to chat any time, please get in touch. You’ll also find me sharing my journey daily on Instagram so feel free to connect and say Hi!
And remember, you’re not broken, you’re finding your sparkle so do something every day that makes you happy!