Finding My Sparkle Day 6: Friday 9th March 2018
It’s 11:30 and I don’t know where the morning has gone. Time seems to move so fast.
I had a bath with Epsom Salts which are meant to work their magic through my skin. I’m sure that was about 10 o’clock. I set an alarm on my phone to make sure I stay in there for the recommended 20 minutes. I guess I stayed in a whole lot longer. I noticed bruises on my shins. I know before the accident I was so clumsy and would regularly walk into things but at least I’d have a clue that I’d done it. Now I have no clue. I hear a jet fly by and it’s like it’s sitting on my head. All my senses are amplified, smells being the worst. Especially me.
Today is my first full day on my own. JP is going to the lunch-time spin class. Will I manage to get through a full day? Time will tell.
I have a sore back from all the sitting and lying around. I ask Carly if there’s any yoga poses I can do to help. She reminds me of the doctor’s orders to rest. But I can lie on my back and hug my knees. At least that’s something. I want to go for a walk soon to the park to get some light exercise. I only want to walk the 5 minutes there to sit on a bench, appreciate the view and come home again. I wonder when I’ll be able to do that on my own. I can survive in my flat on my own but the outside world is a scary thought.
I know that I need to take Berocca to help feed my brain some fab vitamins and give me energy. I forgot to do that yesterday. I struggled for ages to get the lid off. All that energy wasted. The irony is not lost on me! I leave the lid on loosely so it’s easier next time.
Post-concussion syndrome memory problems
I realise there’s a whole list of things that I need to do everyday and I’m not remembering them daily so I write a list. Eat 3 meals. Eat snacks. Drink water. Feed my hamster Vicky some treats. Take Berocca! The only thing I remember to do is to take my medication because my body reminds me that I’m sore and I need them. I write down what I take when so I never take too many. Without that list I know I’d take too many because I hurt a lot. I don’t have any cravings for any food and left a slice of chocolate orange on the sofa for 2 whole days. Last week’s AJ would NEVER do this haha!
My life right now is a constant cycle of eat, pills, sleep, repeat with a little tv thrown in. Miles apart from my usual normality but it is what it is.
When JP comes home we have tea in bed. I don’t have the energy to make it through to the living room. I feel like I haven’t achieved anything today. He says I don’t need to achieve anything. I just need to rest. Well, doesn’t my life have great purpose? But I’m working on that and it will get better.
He gives me a concussion survival kit from Pippa. She’s survived the same head injury so knows exactly what I’m going through. I can get through this too. She wrote me a beautiful message of inspiration. JP is not getting the Mini Eggs. They’re all mine!
At some point today I lost my balance when I was on my own and stumbled sideways onto the mirror in my bedroom or the ironing board. They’re quite close together. I’m not sure which. Can you get adult sized cotton wool? I feel like I need that in my life.
The power of photos for helping the concussed brain
I remember Steve told me to think of times in my life when I’ve been at my happiest as your brain remembers feelings and it will help. So I have to think where I was, who I was with, what I was wearing and how I was feeling. I sent a photo to my best friend Paul yesterday. I remember feeling really happy then but strangely can’t remember too much about what we were doing or where it was so Paul texted to help me to trigger more information. It turns out his long term memory is only a fraction better than mine.
It dawns on me that I could look at other photos around that time so see what else was going on around those days.I didn’t think to do that yesterday.
There’s another photo with a whole jug of one of my favourite cocktails on the table that Paul makes. I know it has Mickey Finn’s in it and he calls it something to do with frogs but that’s all I got. He lets me know it’s Kermits, as in Kermit the frog. I was so close! We figure it must have been a drunken night out in Manchester but where we went is anyone’s guess. Paul can’t remember either so I’m going to blame this one on the alcohol.
Most of my other long term memories are fine. It’s totally the alcohol! I know what I was wearing, I know who I was with and we always have the best of times. And I feel like I look good in that photo which is a far cry from where I am right now but I literally don’t care. Beauty comes from the inside so you’re going to have to get used to my no makeup selfies!
JP suggests we watch one of the many programmes that are now built up on the Sky Planner. I used to love crime dramas but now the thought of them sucks the life out of me. I realise I’ve forgotten to watch a brand new episode of Still Game which was on yesterday. How could I forget that? I was only talking about it the other day. I’ll catch up with it over the weekend. I think I have enough energy in me for maybe an hour of tv. I want to save this one.
I decide to hunt for some comedy on Netflix instead and ask JP to pass me the XBox controller. I tell him not to help me. It’s a tech thing and I’m sure my geek skills are still on point. Result! I find Jack Whitehall’s Travels With My Father and oh my days how I laughed. It took me a while to realise that it’s probably a bit scripted but I don’t care. It’s funny.
I proper belly laughed for the first time in ages. My laugh sounds different. It’s longer and louder. I find myself in hysterics and it feels like I literally can’t stop laughing for about 5 minutes. I’m glad I’ve rediscovered this part of me.
Today was better than yesterday and I’m grateful for that. That’s all I can hope for.